Photostory: Dead Things (6x13) Reenacted

[fer1213.livejournal.com]

I have a lot of fun doing these photostories. Even more fun is knowing that others can gently mock with me. My offering today, with apologies to Steven S. DeKnight, is:

Title: Dead Things Reenacted
Author (for want of a more accurate term): fer1213
Rating: PG-13, possibly an R. Then again, this was shown on national television. Then AGAIN again, it was shown on UPN pre-"Standards and Practices". Either way, there's plastic naked flesh to behold behind the cut.

A/N: Just as a "by the way", if you hotlink this post, copy it onto your own site, blog, etc. (especially without crediting me--I mean, BAD FORM stealers!), I will hunt you down, fry you and eat you for dinner. AFTER I sic the Buffy corner of LJ on you. I'm just saying. We all know a vague disclaimer is nobody's friend. Linking to this post, though, would make me smile a LOT. And as always, dial-up users, beware.

Without further ado:



Our episode opens with a very trashed crypt o' Spike after naked Spuffy acrobatics.

Spike, per usual, says the absolute wrong thing and very nearly sends Buffy--with or without her underwear--flying for the door. Just in time, he entices her back with Handcuff Bondage Games 101.

Meanwhile, The Troika The Trio Warren, Jonathan and Andrew are cooking up a scheme to get chicks. VERY IMPORTANT to "evil villians", the chick-having. Warren comes up with a Cerebral Dampener, which (basically) is a big brass ball--bigger than the balls of all three of these guys combined, I'm thinking.

Andrew and Jonathan bicker; Warren pulls out the ball.

The Tri These guys do horrible things in this episode, and with this Cerebral Dampener. They kidnap, mind-screw and accidently kill Warren's ex-girlfriend Katrina. These are things I can't poke fun at. But what you really want to see is more of the Spike and Buffy Sex in Public Places show, right? So we'll get back to it!

Buffy comes home from a long day of selling greasy, questionable food products and finds her friends about to go out for a night of dancing at the Bronze. Buffy goes along for the "frosty nectar", though, personally, beer's about as far from nectar as you can get. Plus, Buffy and beer? Say it with me: NOT MIXY.

While Xander, Anya and Willow are getting their groove thang on, Buffy wanders up to the balcony. And to Spike. Spike and his incredible, totally bendy penis that can penetrate Buffy from behind, through her panties, while she's not even on tiptoes! That Spike is truly a sex GOD.

Her friends, on the dance floor below, are oblivious. As is everyone usually milling around in the balcony, apparently.

Other stuff happens between Willow and Tara the next day and Dawn's in the episode, yada yada yada. But then we come to The Door Scene.

Buffy has a hard time walking away from the Door of Sex and tells herself to resist the evil, bloodsucking, blowtorch HOT fiend when she hears a woman cry out in the woods. Ugly hooded bad guys and wonky time ensue.

The demons disappear and Buffy finds she's slugged Spike. Only this time she actually didn't mean to.

Buffy thinks she's killed Katrina, who is really Jonathan glamored as Katrina. Warren and Andrew celebrate. Jonathan looks a little green around the gills. Spike tells Buffy to go home. Trust him. He'll take care of everything.

More naked Spuffy time!

Fortunately (though all Spuffy shippers think UNfortunately), it's a dream. And Buffy's determined to turn herself in. Spike confronts her in the alley next to the police department, mean terrible things are said, the police find Katrina's body, and Buffy gives Spike the beating that made hundreds of fangirls want her blood.

But Buffy discovers she's not at fault for Katrina's death after all. And she says--to the Scoobies--the line that Spike said to her: "You always hurt the one you love". Whether or not she's referring to Spike is hotly debated in posts for years to come.

THE END

Comments

[frenchani.livejournal.com]

LOL

Your version of the door scene is priceless, I loved the bare shoulder!!!!

[fer1213.livejournal.com]

Spike's shoulder is sexy too, so how could I resist? ;)

Thank you!

[annabelle528.livejournal.com]

Heee! I love this so much! Especially the door scene! :)

::puts into memories::

[fer1213.livejournal.com]

I'm really glad it made you laugh! And I actually did the door scene last minute. I'm happy it's gone over so well. :D

absolut LOL

[fangfaceandrea.livejournal.com]

BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

The door and Anya are priceless.

Re: absolut LOL

[fer1213.livejournal.com]

Hee!! I'm glad you thought so! :D

[gillo]

This is just divine. You are so, so wonderful!

The Door of Sex! *dies*

[gillo]

BTW, I've linked to this on Whedonesque. Gotta share the love!

[earth-vexer.livejournal.com]

Bwah! So funny: Jonathan's face, Anya's hair (!), Spike's bare shoulder, the tiny little hooded demon, the plaid forest (hee). *g*

[fer1213.livejournal.com]

HEE! I'm glad you noticed the demon. I was afraid he was too small. But d'oh on me for forgetting to black out the plaid! :D

Thank you!

[petzipellepingo.livejournal.com]

"thud" Jonathan is Pinocchio? Warren is Gumby and wow! check out the abs on the Spike dolly!
Buffy has a hard time walking away from the Door of Sex and tells herself to resist the evil, bloodsucking, blowtorch HOT fiend ::dies::
And to Spike. Spike and his incredible, totally bendy penis that can penetrate Buffy from behind, through her panties, while she's not even on tiptoes! That Spike is truly a sex GOD. ::dies all over again::
Recovers and runs off to pimp. Hey, check out the icon.

[fer1213.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much again for the pimp, friend. :D

And I have a door icon too!

[effulgentnida.livejournal.com]

haha that was great... ohh lucky door and lucky buffy.

[fer1213.livejournal.com]

I'm glad it gave you a laugh. Thanks very much!

[kathyh]

Bwahaha...that Spike doll is certainly well-sculpted. It's all wonderful but the door scene is particularly priceless.

[fer1213.livejournal.com]

Isn't my Spike doll BUFF? Heee!

I'm really happy it made you laugh, Kathy. Thanks so much. :D

[cindergal.livejournal.com]

Wheee! The balcony scene! And you even have Buffy wearing her bondage choker.

And my, isn't Spike well articulated! ;-)


Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

[sp23.livejournal.com]

And my, isn't Spike well articulated! ;-)

Well, that's one way of putting it. Hubba-hubba. *g*

[fishsanwitt]

OMG - I loved it! I'm putting it in my memories - and the 'it'll be out little secret' - so *hawt*!!!

And I almost died laughing from the 'humpa humpa'

[fer1213.livejournal.com]

Hee! The "humpa-humpa-humpa" made me giggle. I'm glad you laughed too.

Thank you!

[quinara]

Cannot... stop... laughing...

Seriously, this whole photo-story-thing will never get old. Especially with your interjections ("Say it with me: NOT MIXY." = HEE!).

There are not enough superlatives.

[fer1213.livejournal.com]

Seriously, this whole photo-story-thing will never get old.

I'm really glad to hear that, especially because they take a LOT of time to do. :D Thanks so much!

[dusty273.livejournal.com]

*rofl* This was priceless! All of it. Thanks for sharing, Fer!

[fer1213.livejournal.com]

I'm so glad you thought so, Mari. Thanks! :D

[st_salieri.livejournal.com]

Hahaha the door! I love Spike plastered against it.

And aw, they look so cute together in Buffy's dream sequence, all cuddly and smooshy.

Love this!

[fer1213.livejournal.com]

*gives a big silly grin*

I'm so happy you laughed. The door pic was a last-minute addition (inspiration?) and I'm so glad I included it. :D

[spacedoutlooney.livejournal.com]

BWAH! Thanks for that.

[fer1213.livejournal.com]

I'm happy it made you laugh! Thanks. :)

[partri65.livejournal.com]

Love the dancing queens (and king) at the Bronze! Look at little Willow with the big hair! :-D

[fer1213.livejournal.com]

Couldn't resist the big hair because it was red. Hee!

Thank you!

[cheesygirl.livejournal.com]

Hee! You've captured the special love between a vampire and his door like no one else.

I love poor teensy Jonathan too. :D

[fer1213.livejournal.com]

Ah yes. Vampire/door love. It's an underwritten genre, I think. ;)

Thank you!

[deretla-skoob.livejournal.com]

Hilarious. Love the door scene and the troika, of course!! I'm still around.... "freak_momma"

[fer1213.livejournal.com]

*waves like crazy*

Hi! I'm so glad you saw this and commented. Thank you!

[botias.livejournal.com]

Hee! The Door of Sex... I never doubted the balcony sex actually, which either says that I have very height appropriate boyfriends or that I will believe anything about Spike's penis.

[fer1213.livejournal.com]

I never doubted the balcony sex actually, which either says that I have very height appropriate boyfriends or that I will believe anything about Spike's penis.

Bwaha! Well, Spike does have an extraordinary penis. All fanfic writers/readers know this. ;)

Thanks!

[redeem147.livejournal.com]

Deeee-lightful :)

[fer1213.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much!

[danaid-luv.livejournal.com]

*laughing* I've seen this ep once (when it aired) but you've compelled me to take a second look :) (I came late to the party; stayed away due to an incredible dislike of SMG, but stayed for the fan fic) ...and while I remember large bits of the ep (loooooove the balcony d@ilies) I cannot, for the life of me, remember Spike and a door... MUST. WATCH. AGAIN!

Thank you--this was a riot!

[fer1213.livejournal.com]

Oh, you must watch again to see how Spike caresses his crypt door when he senses Buffy on the other side. *fans self at memory* Hee!

Thank you very much!

[sp23.livejournal.com]

Heeee! Oh, once again I have big love for the photostories. Teeny little Pinocchio Jonathan. Hee. Magic-penis, door-lovin' bendy Spike. Just, heeeeee.

[fer1213.livejournal.com]

Okay, first your icon made me spit water. BWHAHA! And I'm so glad you noticed Jonathan was Pinocchio. Didn't want to repeat myself by making him Peter Pan again. HEE!

Thanks, Sandy!

[untitleddemo.livejournal.com]

Yay, Fer Photostories! ::does my happy dance:: Once again, I love all the little details you put into this. The door scene is awesome and I'm LMAO at the "humpa-humpa-humpa". Hee! Wow, they really gave Spike some abs on that doll, didn't they? Hmm, I wonder if the doll makers are Spike pervs?

Thanks again for a most delightful reenactment. I'm in love. *g*

[fer1213.livejournal.com]

Hmm, I wonder if the doll makers are Spike pervs?

Pervs? No! Just connoisseurs of six pack-y Spike. HEE!

I'm so happy you liked this! Thanks. :D

[mbangel10.livejournal.com]

I just love it when you do these! I so needed this after a dreary Monday work day. Thank you!

[fer1213.livejournal.com]

I'm happy this made your Monday work day a little less dreary. Thank you!

[adriana-is.livejournal.com]

Priceless!! I loved the door of sex. And, I am really jealous cause i never played with MY Barbies that creatively. Dammit. :))

[fer1213.livejournal.com]

I have two daughters who are very possessive of their Barbies, so I do these on the sly. Hee!

I'm very glad you liked it. :D

[rahirah]

Hee! This is almost better than the real episode. *g*

[fer1213.livejournal.com]

*Big grin*

Thanks, Barb!