Photostory: Dead Things (6x13) Reenacted

[fer1213.livejournal.com]

I have a lot of fun doing these photostories. Even more fun is knowing that others can gently mock with me. My offering today, with apologies to Steven S. DeKnight, is:

Title: Dead Things Reenacted
Author (for want of a more accurate term): fer1213
Rating: PG-13, possibly an R. Then again, this was shown on national television. Then AGAIN again, it was shown on UPN pre-"Standards and Practices". Either way, there's plastic naked flesh to behold behind the cut.

A/N: Just as a "by the way", if you hotlink this post, copy it onto your own site, blog, etc. (especially without crediting me--I mean, BAD FORM stealers!), I will hunt you down, fry you and eat you for dinner. AFTER I sic the Buffy corner of LJ on you. I'm just saying. We all know a vague disclaimer is nobody's friend. Linking to this post, though, would make me smile a LOT. And as always, dial-up users, beware.

Without further ado:



Our episode opens with a very trashed crypt o' Spike after naked Spuffy acrobatics.

Spike, per usual, says the absolute wrong thing and very nearly sends Buffy--with or without her underwear--flying for the door. Just in time, he entices her back with Handcuff Bondage Games 101.

Meanwhile, The Troika The Trio Warren, Jonathan and Andrew are cooking up a scheme to get chicks. VERY IMPORTANT to "evil villians", the chick-having. Warren comes up with a Cerebral Dampener, which (basically) is a big brass ball--bigger than the balls of all three of these guys combined, I'm thinking.

Andrew and Jonathan bicker; Warren pulls out the ball.

The Tri These guys do horrible things in this episode, and with this Cerebral Dampener. They kidnap, mind-screw and accidently kill Warren's ex-girlfriend Katrina. These are things I can't poke fun at. But what you really want to see is more of the Spike and Buffy Sex in Public Places show, right? So we'll get back to it!

Buffy comes home from a long day of selling greasy, questionable food products and finds her friends about to go out for a night of dancing at the Bronze. Buffy goes along for the "frosty nectar", though, personally, beer's about as far from nectar as you can get. Plus, Buffy and beer? Say it with me: NOT MIXY.

While Xander, Anya and Willow are getting their groove thang on, Buffy wanders up to the balcony. And to Spike. Spike and his incredible, totally bendy penis that can penetrate Buffy from behind, through her panties, while she's not even on tiptoes! That Spike is truly a sex GOD.

Her friends, on the dance floor below, are oblivious. As is everyone usually milling around in the balcony, apparently.

Other stuff happens between Willow and Tara the next day and Dawn's in the episode, yada yada yada. But then we come to The Door Scene.

Buffy has a hard time walking away from the Door of Sex and tells herself to resist the evil, bloodsucking, blowtorch HOT fiend when she hears a woman cry out in the woods. Ugly hooded bad guys and wonky time ensue.

The demons disappear and Buffy finds she's slugged Spike. Only this time she actually didn't mean to.

Buffy thinks she's killed Katrina, who is really Jonathan glamored as Katrina. Warren and Andrew celebrate. Jonathan looks a little green around the gills. Spike tells Buffy to go home. Trust him. He'll take care of everything.

More naked Spuffy time!

Fortunately (though all Spuffy shippers think UNfortunately), it's a dream. And Buffy's determined to turn herself in. Spike confronts her in the alley next to the police department, mean terrible things are said, the police find Katrina's body, and Buffy gives Spike the beating that made hundreds of fangirls want her blood.

But Buffy discovers she's not at fault for Katrina's death after all. And she says--to the Scoobies--the line that Spike said to her: "You always hurt the one you love". Whether or not she's referring to Spike is hotly debated in posts for years to come.

THE END

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