Ficlet: "Pyre"

[thisficklemob.livejournal.com]

This piece was originally intended to be the prologue of a longer story. That story may never be written, and this scene stands as an angsty ficlet on its own.

"Pyre"
By: caia
Rating: PG-13
Set: after the alley beating in "Dead Things"
Disclaimer: Joss owns these characters, the sick bastard.
Distribution: Do not post elsewhere without permission. Ask, I may say yes.
Feedback: adored.
Blurb: Long before considering what she deserved, he promised himself he'd give her what she needed.


I cannot. I cannot. I cannot.

The thought echoes in his half-conscious mind. He doesn't know anymore what it is he cannot do, if indeed he ever did. It occurs to him to wonder, but some preserving instinct steers his uneasy mind away from the word "her" that surfaces at the wondering.

I cannot. I cannot. I cannot.



It isn't the pain of his hand on fire that rouses him.

He and pain of all kinds are old, old friends. Right now the aching in his head and ribs hums in counterpoint to the devastation that crouches like a malevolent hobgoblin over his chest. This entity pauses in its smothering press only long enough to allow him to forget he doesn't need air, before settling down to a slow squeeze again. His musculature tenses and collapses with each cycle. Dull delirium reigns in his head.

He is half rousted instead by the odor of smoldering flesh.

He considers leaving himself here to burn. She left him here, and here he can stay. He can sit suttee upon the pyre where Buffy's compassion died.

Thinking the name of his beloved pulverizes his fugue, and the comfort of illusion is gone.

He tries to convince himself that his obligation has ended. That he is free to step off the tilt-a-whirl of a world he can no longer recall liking.

What can she need from me after this? She will be jailed by now.

His attempt at self-delusion doesn't work. With a growl marred by the gurgle of pooled congealing blood in his throat and his human face twisted into inhuman rage, he lunges towards the shadowed side of the alleyway.

Comments

[kallysten.livejournal.com]

painful and powerful and beautifully written
thank you for sharing

[thisficklemob.livejournal.com]

I'm delighted you think so. Thanks.

[ayinhara.livejournal.com]

Thinking the name of his beloved pulverizes his fugue, and the comfort of illusion is gone.

IMO this prologue merits a continuation.

[thisficklemob.livejournal.com]

Maybe when Tekubi is done, I'll work on the rest of this fic. For now, I wanted to offer one completed piece for the WIP-phobic. Thanks.

[ceallaigh-hk.livejournal.com]

Painfully beautiful ficlet.

Now you have to finish this longer story. It is begging to be written, Caia!

Thanks for sharing.

[thisficklemob.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

I may go on with this eventually, but if I do, I suspect people will be a wee bit surprised. The concept started in my head as angst and nothing but... and then a rogue character took it over. *g*

[herself_nyc]

Wow. Beautifully concrete imagery in the service of credible, subtle inner life stuff. Cool!

[thisficklemob.livejournal.com]

I'm thrilled it worked for you. Thanks.

[sharelle.livejournal.com]

Wow. That was wrenching -- but very, very good.

[thisficklemob.livejournal.com]

Thank you.

[bearfacedcheek.livejournal.com]

He can sit suttee upon the pyre where Buffy's compassion died

Just wow

[thisficklemob.livejournal.com]

That's plenty. Thank you.

[itmustbetuesday.livejournal.com]

Ooh, I love it. Thank you!

[thisficklemob.livejournal.com]

I'm so glad.

[jen-nsync-landl.livejournal.com]

Wow, this is just excellent. Spectacularly real and perfectly post-DT.

And consider this a gentle request (prod? plea?) that *whatever* this was going to be a prologue to finds its way to getting written one of these days.

[thisficklemob.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much.

And wow, that's may be the nicest request for continuation I've ever seen. Even if I do continue, I probably won't get far until Tekubi's finished. But I will definitely keep it in mind.

[timeofchange.livejournal.com]

Beautifully written. It does whet my appetite for the rest of the story, though.

[thisficklemob.livejournal.com]

Thank you. And I'm by no means ruling out continuation someday.

[jerusha]

She left him here, and here he can stay. He can sit suttee upon the pyre where Buffy's compassion died.

That has to be one of the best lines ever written about "Dead Things."

[thisficklemob.livejournal.com]

Wow. Many a good line has been written, so that means a lot. Thank you.

[amybnnyc.livejournal.com]

Oh... damn. Ow. Owowow, in so many very good ways.

Beautiful work.

[thisficklemob.livejournal.com]

I'm glad it worked for you. Thank you for commenting.

[dualbunny.livejournal.com]

Bit late getting to these, but I thought this was lovely. Painful and lovely. :)

[thisficklemob.livejournal.com]

Aww, thank you. *squishes*