Fic: Dear Randy (1/1) by annapurna_2 (PG-13)

[annapurna_2]

Many thanks to snickfic  and verity  for bringing us this latest round of much spuffy goodness.

Here’s a little bit of fluff to start off my posting day. I’ve got three other fics thiiiiis close to being finished. Hope to get at least one or two done in time to post tonight. If not, I’ll aim for the free-for-all day.

In the meantime, hope you enjoy!

Medium: Fic
Title: Dear Randy (1/1)
Author: annapurna_2 
Setting: Season 6 (AU post-Tabula Rasa)
Rating: PG-13
Summary: The continuing adventures of Randy and Joan! A silly little ficlet written as a sequel to the equally silly ficlet Mortgage Crisis. No need to read that one first (though you’re more than welcome to do so, and Joan, Randy and I would be thrilled if you did).



Dear Randy,

I’m writing this because I’m not speaking to you. But since you’re not the brightest bulb in the chandelier, you probably won’t notice. Hence, this note I’m leaving you on the refrigerator door.

Sincerely Not Yours,

Joan

P.S. There’s a pillow and a blanket on the sofa in the basement.



Dear Joan,

What the bloody hell?

And you know I don’t answer to that poncey name anymore.

Blade



Dear RANDY,

As if you didn’t know.

Joan

P.S. Hope you slept well. NOT.



Dear Joan,

How am I supposed to know what’s got you all shirty? Not a sodding mind reader, am I?

B-L-A-D-E

P.S. Slept just fine, thanks. No snoring to keep me awake.



Dear R-A-N-D-Y

No. To be a mind reader, you’d have to have a mind.

Which, obviously, you don’t if you think I’ll fall for that “I’m so innocent, I don’t know what I did” act.

Joan

P.S. Also, I don’t snore. You’re obviously confusing me with someone else.



Joan,

It’s not a sodding act, all right? You ready to tell me yet what’s got your knickers in such a twist that you won’t even let me into our bedroom to take them off?

Blade



Randy,

Bite me. You know.

Joan



Bloody sodding hell.

If I knew, I wouldn’t be writing these stupid bloody notes, now would I?

Verging On Seriously Pissed Off,

BLADE, BLADE, BLADE!!!



RANDY, RANDY, RANDY!!!!!!

Ooooh…I’m shaking in my stylish yet affordable boots.

Supremely Disinterested,

Joan

P.S. You’re out of pig’s blood and I was too busy doing nothing to stop by the butcher’s shop today. I think I spotted a rat out in the garden.



Dear Joan,

Up yours.

Blade



Dear Randy,

Dream on. You’ll never go there again.

Joan



Dear Joan

Best stock up on batteries then.

Blade



Dear Randy,

Thank you for the advice. Got it covered.

Joan



Dear Joan,

Seem to recall you like an audience. Happen to be available.

Blade




Pig.

Joan




Oink.

Blade



Go spike yourself.

Joan



That the best you’ve got?

Blade



Dear Randy,

Saved your girlfriend (a.k.a. The Slut) yesterday. Tell her to stop taking shortcuts through deserted alleys. Duh.

Coldest Regards,

Joan



Dear Joan,

Have you finally lost that tiny peanut you call a mind? What sodding girlfriend?

Blade



Dear Randy,

My mind is not a peanut. It’s a…watermelon. Full of juicy, delicious, thinky-type thoughts. Your mind is a shriveled-up raisin.

Will Never Be Yours Again,

Joan

P.S. Red curly hair. Works at The Bronze. You couldn’t stop flirting with her the whole night we were there. Ring a bell?



Oh, bloody hell. Is that what you’ve been on about?

Blade



It was our six-month anniversary, too. You forgot.

Joan



My Dearest, Darling Joan,

Think I see now how this all came about. Don’t blame you for being upset. But in my defense, it wasn’t actually our six-month anniversary. That was really two months ago—six months to the day that I woke up in that bloody magic shop and first set eyes on your glorious face. Carved you that spike with the special grip, remember? And the inscription on it? “Your love has spiked my heart and there it shall remain forever.”

Devotedly Yours,

Blade

P.S. Wasn’t flirting. Just being nice. Didn’t even notice what the silly bint looked like. Too busy basking in your beauty.



Dear Randy Blade,

Why didn’t you tell me we were celebrating? I thought you just wanted to give me something. I didn’t give you anything.

Have A Nice Day Night,

Joan



Dear Joan,

You gave me something, love. Afterwards, remember? Twice.

Still Yours,

Blade



Dear Blade,

I noticed some dust in the kitchen this morning. Everything okay?

Best Regards,

Joan



Dear Joan,

About the dust in the kitchen…got a bit lonely last night so I went out and spiked a few vampires. Guess I tracked someone in.

Sorry about that.

Forever Yours,

Blade



Dear Blade,

You’re forgiven. (For the dust, I mean.) Just…try not to do it anymore, all right?

Sincerely,

Joan

P.S. Be safe, okay?



Dearest Joan,

Dreamed about you today. Would share the details, but it would melt everything in the fridge.

Thinking Of You,

Very Randy



Dear Blade,

I’m going out tonight to spike some vamps. You can come if you want.

Missing You,

Joan



Dear Randy and Joan,

Hello! Minor in the house! Think you can get a bit louder? Pretty sure they didn’t hear you in Los Angeles.

Irritatedly Yours,

Dawn



 

Comments

[gryfndor_godess]

I worry sometimes that what I write isn't as funny as I think it is.

I can completely empathize with that feeling.

P.S. I'm intrigued by the premise of your mpreg fic. I look forward to reading it!

Oh, thank you! If you do, I hope you like it. :)

[annapurna_2]

Oh, thank you! If you do, I hope you like it. :)

Considering you're an excellent writer, I have no doubt I will! :-)