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Moscow_Watcher ([identity profile] moscow-watcher.livejournal.com) wrote in [community profile] seasonal_spuffy2006-04-03 12:53 pm

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Curtain Call
by [livejournal.com profile] moscow_watcher
Enormous thanks for my beta [livejournal.com profile] reddygirl for her help and encouragement.
Timeline: During "Chosen"
Disclamer: Not mine. Helas.
*********************
"I love you."
"No you don't but thanks for saying it".
"Shut up, Spike! You always find the most inappropriate time to try my patience!"
"Go, now! I wanna see how it ends."
"Newsflash, idiot - it's just the beginning... hopefully... God, this place is crumbling... Damn! What's happening to us?"
"Bloody... Ouch! Buffy? Are you OK?"
"Shit! Where are we?"

"Argh... we're... somewhere."
"Uh-huh. Somewhere. It's all your fault, Spike!"
"The hell it is! It's Angel's fault. His bloody amulet did it."
"No, it's a fault of one stupid vamp, who refused to leave the cave. Any idea where we landed?"
"Hmm... Closed space. Soft walls. Even the floor is soft".
"Weird. Why is everything so white?"
"Pet, maybe it's a bedroom dimension."
"What?! There is no such thing as "bedroom dimension"."
"Just kidding. Maybe we're in heaven."
"Come on, Spike, *this* can't be heaven!"
"Why not? All the bloody heroes go to heaven. You've been sent to heaven once. This may be take two. And you brought me here in tow."
"If it's heaven, why is it so small?"
"Who knows? Maybe later, when we'll satisfy our... our need to rest - maybe then it will expand. Transform into... um... a posh chalet with a view."
"Lame."
"Have better idea?"
"Sure. We're in a mental ward dimension."
"You call it "a better idea", Slayer?"
"I call it a rational idea. Look around. It's a cell in a loony bin."
"No way."
"A cell for truly violent madmen. That's why the floor and walls are soft - so that they couldn't hurt themselves by hitting heads or fists against them."
"Bollocks!"
"Spike... this place looks exactly like the the mental ward dimension where I ended up when that demon... Nightmaring... poisoned me."
"Glarghk Guhl Kashma'nik?"
"Whatever. "
"Bugger. Oh, wait! If it's a mental institution where are doctors, nurses and robust corps orderlies?"
"Don't know. Maybe they're just doing paperwork? Filling out our forms? And as soon as they finish it they'll come here and separate us? And we'll finally realise that it's hell - to be in adjacent cells and never see each other again."
"Are you daft? They couldn't send you to hell!"
"They could send you. And you brought me in tow."
"Bloody... Buffy, forgive me..."
"Spike, don't torture yourself - I forgive..."
"No, don't forgive me - it's unforgivable! I'm a total ass!"
"Spike, you aren't..."
"I should have pushed you away as soon as you approached me there in the cave! I shouldn't have been listening to you! I shouldn't have been looking into your googly eyes!"
"Spike, you're right. You *are* a total ass! When I told you I loved you, I meant it, idiot! If you'd listen to me, by now we'd be safe, in the bus, on the way to... to new life. And because of you we ended up here."
"That true? Why you're so sure we could make it to the bus? And the bus could make it out of the earthquake? Come on, Slayer, the whole idea of the fight in the Hellmouth was crazy. I wish I talked Xander into stealing a crane and excavator from his construction site so that we could destroy the school and dig a big hole to let the sun into the bloody cave..."
"Crap."
"Beg pardon?"
"Stop this crap, Spike. I tell you I love you, and you talk about cranes and excavators."
"..."
"Spike? Have you swallowed your tongue?"
"Buffy, we both know you can't love me."
"I just can't believe it! Instead of concentrating on looking for our way out I'm trying to convince this moron... OK. Do you remember that I happened to save you from The First? Do you know how difficult and dangerous it was?"
"You'd do it for any souled person, Buffy. Let's stop this pointless conversation and concentrate on looking for the way out."
"There is no way out of this damned cell and you know it! So don't digress. Do you remember that I decided to remove your chip? That I had epic battles with Giles over you staying in my house?"
"I... You've been very kind to me."
"Spike, I'm so gonna kick your stupid ass. In that abandoned house I practically dragged you into my bed. And? Nothing. The next day I wormed my way into your bed - I swallowed my damn pride, I practically wrote on my forehead "Spike, make love to me!" And guess what? Again - nothing! You just went asleep!"
"I... I didn't. I was awake until you went asleep!"
"You mean you've been lying beside me all awake and counting sheep? I was waiting for a slightest sign of your attention and you were pretending you're sleeping?!"
"I bloody wanted you to get rest!"
"Are you kidding? Or trying to get me mad?"
"Buffy..."
"We're in what you call a bed dimension and instead of doing what normal people do in bed we're talking about cranes and excavators!"
"Buffy..."
"Can you just shut up and kiss me? Because I... ooohh, do that again."
"Like that?"
"Ooohhh.... yes.... Christ, that’s so good."
"Pet, I'm... ooohhhh.... such hot little hands..."
"Harder."
"Arghhh! We're falling!"
"At least the floor is very soft indeed... We're lucky it's a bedroom dimension, not kitchen-full-of-knives-and-forks-and-glasses dimension!"
"Bloody hell, Slayer, we're still falling... throught the floor... through some portal..."
"Hold on, Spike! "
"I can't zip my bloody pants!"
"Maybe they finished the paperwork and send us to... to...?"
"Maybe we'll land in a real bed?"
"I feel something... It's not a bed... it's a desk..."
"We're in somebody's office."
"Angel?!"

[identity profile] spikespetslayer.livejournal.com 2006-04-03 08:59 am (UTC)(link)
OMG that was hilarious! Please, do continue this one...the snark...the lurves...the laffs...too good to end here!

[identity profile] sammywol.livejournal.com 2006-04-03 09:21 am (UTC)(link)
Oh! That was just lovely! Thankyou!!! Pity you stopped where you did - well, stylistically dead right but, sighs! - I'll just have to make sure my imagined version of Angel's reaction will pass muster (especially if Spike didn't manage to get his pants zipped back up).

The conversation was just perfect, down to the cranes and excavators (not that that wasn't a better idea than what they went with in the show) but I don't think anything can beat the teaser "Shut up, Spike! You always find the most inappropriate time to try my patience!".

[identity profile] petzipellepingo.livejournal.com 2006-04-03 09:52 am (UTC)(link)
In that abandoned house I practically dragged you into my bed. And? Nothing. The next day I wormed my way into your bed - I swallowed my damn pride, I practically wrote on my forehead "Spike, make love to me!" And guess what? Again - nothing! You just went asleep!"
"I... I didn't. I was awake until you went asleep!"
"You mean you've been lying beside me all awake and counting sheep? I was waiting for a slightest sign of your attention and you were pretending you're sleeping?!"
"I bloody wanted you to get rest!"
::dies:: Hee! I may have to re-watch those scenes. This is brilliant.
alshder: (btvs spuffy stillare)

[personal profile] alshder 2006-04-03 10:30 am (UTC)(link)
"I can't zip my bloody pants!"
"Maybe they finished the paperwork and send us to... to...?"
"Maybe we'll land in a real bed?"
"I feel something... It's not a bed... it's a desk..."
"We're in somebody's office."
"Angel?!"


LOL! The whole fic is really funny, but imagining Angel's face after that landing is priceless. Hee!

[identity profile] cutiesaiyajin.livejournal.com 2006-04-03 10:34 am (UTC)(link)
Bwahaha, that was hilarious! I hope there's more.

[identity profile] moonjameskitten.livejournal.com 2006-04-03 10:46 am (UTC)(link)
OMG !!! It's excellent ! you took off all the drama of the situation ! and it's a lovely Spuffy one !
Great job !

[identity profile] spikeylover.livejournal.com 2006-04-03 10:51 am (UTC)(link)
bwa ha!! That was great!!
elisi: by frimfram (Spuffy - destroyer of worlds! by frimfra)

[personal profile] elisi 2006-04-03 12:27 pm (UTC)(link)
Heeeeeeeeeeeee!

OMG that is *fantastic*!!!!! ::loves::

[identity profile] bluekaty.livejournal.com 2006-04-03 12:55 pm (UTC)(link)
Ahahah, a bedroom dimension : that's my Spike. This is too good, please continue.

[identity profile] novichok74.livejournal.com 2006-04-03 02:16 pm (UTC)(link)
Леночка, ты как всегда бесподобна *бурно тебе аплодирую* Как я обожаю твои хулиганства, и твоих Спайка и Баффку - сразу так светло на душе становится :) Спасибки, солнце *kiss* А о продолжении подумай и прямо со сцены на столе Ангела *lol*

[identity profile] frenchani.livejournal.com 2006-04-03 02:21 pm (UTC)(link)
Hold on, Spike! "
"I can't zip my bloody pants!"
"Maybe they finished the paperwork and send us to... to...?"
"Maybe we'll land in a real bed?"
"I feel something... It's not a bed... it's a desk..."
"We're in somebody's office."
"Angel?!"


ROTFLMAO

I'm very impressed. I wish I could write a dialogue in English like that!

[identity profile] vs-in-nj.livejournal.com 2006-04-03 02:35 pm (UTC)(link)
Great Job MW! I loved it!!! Don't be afraid to post any more.

[identity profile] thedeadlyhook.livejournal.com 2006-04-03 02:56 pm (UTC)(link)
Hee! I think the part where they end up on Angel's desk is my favorite. Damn, I'm a sucker for these two arguing.

[identity profile] zanthinegirl.livejournal.com 2006-04-03 03:04 pm (UTC)(link)
Hee! Very cute!

[identity profile] botias.livejournal.com 2006-04-03 03:05 pm (UTC)(link)
Great job, loved the ending!

[identity profile] kargrif.livejournal.com 2006-04-03 03:09 pm (UTC)(link)
*dies laughing* that was too funny!!! i loved it!

[identity profile] liisann.livejournal.com 2006-04-03 03:15 pm (UTC)(link)
Леночка! Я обожаю твои истории, они полны доброго озорного юмора! И ты умеешь поставить точку, которая звучит, как многоточие, но это точка:)
Спасибо тебе большое!

(no subject)

[identity profile] liisann.livejournal.com - 2006-04-03 18:27 (UTC) - Expand

[identity profile] mizalmighty.livejournal.com 2006-04-03 04:10 pm (UTC)(link)
*lol*

This is the first ever Buffy/Spike fan fiction that I've read, and I must say that I want to read some more.

I can't wait to find out Angel's reaction.

<33 Sherrie

[identity profile] fotada.livejournal.com 2006-04-03 04:20 pm (UTC)(link)
Love it! The imagination runs wild reading that dialog!

[identity profile] pureevil230.livejournal.com 2006-04-03 04:34 pm (UTC)(link)
lol love the banter and glad they're sort of talking about their issues.
omg landing on angle's desk so priceless lol.

UPDATE SOON!

[identity profile] gotkona.livejournal.com 2006-04-03 05:09 pm (UTC)(link)
I feel something... It's not a bed... it's a desk..."
"We're in somebody's office."
"Angel?!"

That was just too funny. Great fic.

[identity profile] -hopefulness-.livejournal.com 2006-04-03 05:35 pm (UTC)(link)
Потрясающий фик! Как и все, что ты пишешь. Спасибо за очередную порцию вдохновения :)
kathyh: (Kathyh Spike androids)

[personal profile] kathyh 2006-04-03 05:34 pm (UTC)(link)
Bwahaha...I love it. Really liked the way you told the story through dialogue too. Very well done.

[identity profile] willowgreen.livejournal.com 2006-04-03 05:38 pm (UTC)(link)
That was hilarious! I wanna go to the bedroom dimension. Hope you continue this--I love the idea of Spike *and* Buffy rematerializing in Angel's office.

[identity profile] kathylovesspike.livejournal.com 2006-04-03 06:09 pm (UTC)(link)
Awesome Moscow....and sooooo appropriate to materialize in Angel's office....Ok...I'll be nice....but damn it...it is appropriate....heeee!!!!

[identity profile] itmustbetuesday.livejournal.com 2006-04-03 07:35 pm (UTC)(link)
Mwahahahha!!!

"Hold on, Spike! "
"I can't zip my bloody pants!"

YAY!!

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