Agree to disagree on that tiny point - not being able to verbalize the word to my mind isn't the same thing as not knowing. If that makes sense? Angearia, blackfrancine, and ever_neutral had a great conversation about this point, about how Buffy in specific and perhaps all Slayers, understand love through service, though action, in gabrielleabelle's LJ post "Love of All Type" - with a gorgeous picspam http://gabrielleabelle.livejournal.com/273029.html
And maybe, it's so hard for her vocalize her feelings because she's so constantly expressing her love in these other ways. To be forced to vocalize it feels almost like a rejection of all these acts of service--and these acts are what Buffy feels are the true expression of herself and her love. So, it's like her love is rejected, and then she has to immediately try and open herself up using words right after that rejection.
It's not that she didn't know it, but she didn't know how to put a name to it, they were afraid of repeating the badness of S6 or pinning their hopes on anything. And part of what I love so so much about S7 is that Buffy&Spike are negotiating an entirely new relationship, one for which there is NO template or model. Angel ("true love") and Riley, she had cultural models for at the very least - the ideas of what love looks like in books, movies, tv; her relationship with Spike doesn't fit any of that.
And I do recommend fftstar07's posts. NOT that they're (or I'm) going to change your mind on that account, of course! You know me I just can't help but go to bat for Buffy; but she's told so often that her love is insufficient, and in S5 she actually comes to believe that she's turning to stone, that she drove Riley away - fuck you, Riley - and even that her mother didn't know she loved her (which is patently untrue) so it hurts my heart a little when the notion is repeated and pretty widely believed, I think, in fandom. *sobs quietly into pillow*
Now you may be saying that she didn't know she was romantically "in love" with him until the end, and fair enough - but I'm not really fussed about that distinction and that seems to be important to a lot of people. That's what fftstar07's posts are about, so I might sound like a hypocrite to say, that never really mattered to me. But I guess my experience of "in love" has been that initial, breathless romantic period that brings two people together, and it's lovely and fun whereas LOVE, genuine love, with or without romance, is hard, hard work. Worthwhile work (and sometimes that "work" means knowing when to let go, instead of staying together. It can mean a great many things.) but work nonetheless; a relationship isn't a Hallmark card.
But you know I ship those two so so hard during S7.
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And maybe, it's so hard for her vocalize her feelings because she's so constantly expressing her love in these other ways. To be forced to vocalize it feels almost like a rejection of all these acts of service--and these acts are what Buffy feels are the true expression of herself and her love. So, it's like her love is rejected, and then she has to immediately try and open herself up using words right after that rejection.
It's not that she didn't know it, but she didn't know how to put a name to it, they were afraid of repeating the badness of S6 or pinning their hopes on anything. And part of what I love so so much about S7 is that Buffy&Spike are negotiating an entirely new relationship, one for which there is NO template or model. Angel ("true love") and Riley, she had cultural models for at the very least - the ideas of what love looks like in books, movies, tv; her relationship with Spike doesn't fit any of that.
And I do recommend fftstar07's posts. NOT that they're (or I'm) going to change your mind on that account, of course! You know me I just can't help but go to bat for Buffy; but she's told so often that her love is insufficient, and in S5 she actually comes to believe that she's turning to stone, that she drove Riley away - fuck you, Riley - and even that her mother didn't know she loved her (which is patently untrue) so it hurts my heart a little when the notion is repeated and pretty widely believed, I think, in fandom. *sobs quietly into pillow*
Now you may be saying that she didn't know she was romantically "in love" with him until the end, and fair enough - but I'm not really fussed about that distinction and that seems to be important to a lot of people. That's what fftstar07's posts are about, so I might sound like a hypocrite to say, that never really mattered to me. But I guess my experience of "in love" has been that initial, breathless romantic period that brings two people together, and it's lovely and fun whereas LOVE, genuine love, with or without romance, is hard, hard work. Worthwhile work (and sometimes that "work" means knowing when to let go, instead of staying together. It can mean a great many things.) but work nonetheless; a relationship isn't a Hallmark card.
But you know I ship those two so so hard during S7.