Thanks so much for the kinds words. I think you hit on everything I was trying to accomplish with this piece. For me, alongside the heartbreaking beauty of Spike's confession, there has always been something deeply disturbing about the church scene in "Beneath You." Spike reveals things, frightening things, that really begin to flesh out the sort of monster he was pre-series. And I imagine that those impulses and desires would rear themselves quite forcefully once he had soul enough to feel the deep regret and shame of what he'd done. Fantasies that might have brought him pleasure before, like killing Buffy, only serve to distress him not only because things have changed so much, but that in "Seeing Red" maybe he sees how wrong he is about that.

Flow-of-conscience pieces are the hardest to write
They've always been some of the easiest for me, actually. It's functional storytelling that I've often had difficulty with (and what's been the hold up on the SS fic I've been working on). I was quite strapped for time, so I reverted to default mode - something I knew I could on short notice and it's this tight, lyrical, image-heavy prose. It feels very organic to me, like snapshots. It's how people think and remember - in pieces - so writing like this feels like a natural extension of a person's internal state. Does that make sense?