This is so densely written, so full of substance, that I hardly know where to begin.
How about: His victory was always to hold her heart in his hands, a literal desire turned figurative. contrasted with [she] casts her heart away, a writhing fish out of water skidding across the floor.
There's so much going on in just those two lines, about the tenuous grasp he has on his desires (kiss or kill), his memory, and his sanity, among other things. Excellent.
serrated teeth on cocksure display when they circle each other for their formal introduction
I love the touch of victoriana in the midst of monstrous posturing. The reference to Buffy as the Blue Fairy (Are you real?) is wonderful, as well.
Beautifully done, affecting and powerful. Thanks for putting it out there.
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How about: His victory was always to hold her heart in his hands, a literal desire turned figurative. contrasted with [she] casts her heart away, a writhing fish out of water skidding across the floor.
There's so much going on in just those two lines, about the tenuous grasp he has on his desires (kiss or kill), his memory, and his sanity, among other things. Excellent.
serrated teeth on cocksure display when they circle each other for their formal introduction
I love the touch of victoriana in the midst of monstrous posturing. The reference to Buffy as the Blue Fairy (Are you real?) is wonderful, as well.
Beautifully done, affecting and powerful. Thanks for putting it out there.
(Deadlines: mother to amazing work.)